


Guardian Angel

by NotfunnyDean (IronEyes)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Everyone has a guardian angel, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Guardian Angel, Happy Ending, Homeless Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Smut, Stanford Student Sam Winchester, Strangers to Lovers, Top!Castiel, Virgin!Dean, bottom!Dean, but bad people (and Dean)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 09:46:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronEyes/pseuds/NotfunnyDean
Summary: Everybody in the world has his own guardian angel, to keep them safe and protect them. Only "bad people" are without a guardian angel. Maybe that's why Dean is alone.





	Guardian Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Wohooo! 
> 
> I'm back with a new baaaaang! This one is for the [SPN Trope Challenge](https://supernaturaltropecelebration.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> For this story I wrote about the following tropes: Guardian Angel, Homeless Person, Angst, First Time, Fake Dating, Hurt & Comfort, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Friends to Lovers / Virgin!Dean.
> 
> I really hope you all have as much fun reading it, as I was having while writing it. 
> 
> Sooo and then I need to say a HUGE (and I mean huuuge) THANK YOU to my wonderful artist [dmsilvisart](https://dmsilvisart.tumblr.com/)! It was so nice to work with you!! <3 And seriously guys, check out the [art masterpost](https://dmsilvisart.tumblr.com/post/186567615813/art-masterpost-guardian-angel) It's so stunning and I'm soo happy! :D x

[](https://66.media.tumblr.com/eeb62704d2e8ba2b1805cb7f6534eca2/fdcd8fabebe27207-c0/s400x600/a05264043d42ac111c2eac29d81302b1a86fde2c.jpg)

Dean coughs and then shudders again. It's a cold night for June. But then again, that could be, because Dean is only wearing ripped clothes and he is soaking wet from the rain earlier. He tries to make himself even smaller, but that doesn't really help. He looks up and sees the underside of the bridge above him.

"F-fucking cold." Dean whispers and he shivers harder. He had hoped to find a motel room for tonight, but he didn't have any luck. Dean sighs. He doesn't even remember what a good bed felt like…or…just the backseat of his baby.

"S-stupid. I'm so fucking stupid." Dean mutters, just to distract himself, but it doesn't really help. It's his own fault that John left him alone and even took the Impala away. It's his own fault even Sammy left him. So why whine about it? Dean knows he his a fuck-up. But… he can't help it. He wishes he could go back to a time where he was happy.

He doesn't even remember, when he was really happy. Maybe when his Mom was still there. He thinks he remembers her just like she was and she always told him about the angels.

_"Every person has his own guardian angel, baby. Only people who do bad things aren't allowed to have one. So just you wait and see, till you meet your own angel. I bet the angel will be as gorgeous as you are and will always protect you."_

Dean presses his hands against his eyes. He can't cry again over this. He isn't a fucking baby. But he misses his Mom so much and he just wishes she had been right. But Dean never got his angel.

"Why would I?" Dean whispers and he still fights against his tears. He can still remember how his mother's angel looked. She was beautiful just like his Mom and always so nice to Dean. She would smile at him, but of course her main focus was on Mary. Dean can't blame her.

But then… Dean shudders again, this time not because of the cold. Then the demon came and killed his mom and the guardian angel as well. Dean can sometimes still smell the smoke. He remembers how John came to get him. How he gave him Sammy and told Dean to run.

"Should've died there instead." Dean mutters and he kicks a little stone away. He should really start to get in his sleeping bag and hide his stuff, so nobody would steal it again. Dean looks at the blood that is still on the sleeping bag from the vampires he had met yesterday. Sometimes he wishes for another life.

Sam has another life. He was John's perfect child. The boy who would always make his father smile. Sam had a job now and he was at Stanford and…and he had a guardian angel. _Of course_. Sam never killed a monster before, so he deserves a guardian angel.

Dean killed his first ghost, when he was just 6. So of course his angel would be disappointed and not visit him. John doesn't have a guardian angel either and Dean knows his father is a bad man. A hunter just like him. Even though he doesn't only hunt monsters. He hunts Dean's thoughts too.

John was angry when Sam left, but he let him go. Dean knew that secretly he was proud of his son. Dean, however, got kicked out for being useless on a hunt. Dean grimaces when he remembers how deep the cuts from the werewolf were that time.

A guardian angel is always there. With just a few prayers he could be called and he shows up the first time a child wishes for him and is ready. Before that he stays invisible around the child, just watching his human. Dean can still remember when Sam's angel showed up for the first time.

  


*

  


_"Dean! Where the hell are you!" John calls loudly and startles his oldest son so badly, that he bangs his head against the bed. Dean just wanted to play a bit and he knew John hated it, when he played, so he stayed quietly under the old bed of the motel. Dean carefully puts Sam's toys away and crawls out of his hiding place._

_"Here, sir." Dean says quietly and John turns around._

_"I need you to stay here with Sammy. Do you understand?" John says and he already seems on the edge. Dean tries to remember that he has to look his father in the eyes or he would make John even more angry._

_"Yes, sir. I understand." Dean answers and he hastily tries to stand properly. John just looks at him for a moment and then shakes his head. He turns around and puts a bit of money on the table._

_"This is for food. Remember that Sam is still growing, he needs his vitamins." John says and Dean nods hastily, before his father takes the money away again. Dean can see that it's not enough money for a lot of food, but maybe he could find something cheap for them to eat._

_Dean also doesn't tell his father that actually he is still growing as well._

_Dean is only seven years old, but sometimes his father seems to forget that. But Dean wouldn't talk back to him. His butt still hurts from the last time and Dean doesn't want to feel that again._

_"Do you remember what else you should do?" John asks and he is already at the door. Dean looks at his father and takes a deep breath. Of course he knows what to do._

_"Yes. Protect Sammy and keep him safe. Put salt in front of the windows and doors. Don't destroy the demons traps you drew. Never open the door for anyone and …uhm make Sammy food and put him to bed. And if… if I have to, use the gun filled with salt." Dean rambles and John nods shortly._

_"I'll be back in a few days." John mutters, before he is out of the door. Dean hastily takes the salt from the counter and spreads the it on the ground in front of the door, then he does the same with all the windows as well. He then checks for the weapon his father left him and then goes over to Sam, who is still sleeping on the couch._

_Dean watches his brother and smiles, when Sam sniffles quietly. It doesn't matter that his father is always so stern, Dean only cares about his little brother and he is proud, that he is allowed to watch out for him. That means something right? That his father trusts him with Sam._

_"Sammy." Dean whispers and he shakes Sam's shoulder very carefully. Dean knows he needs to wake Sam up, so he could eat something before really going to bed. He should have some soup left from the lunch he made for Sam, John and himself earlier. It should still be enough for Sam._

_"Hm?" Sam mumbles and Dean smiles. His little brother is incredibly cute._

_"I need you to eat something." Dean says and Sam sits up, before rubbing his eyes. He seems to be awake enough, so Dean goes over to the fridge and searches for the soup. He finds it at the bottom of the fridge and smiles. It's tomato soup and Dean made it himself as best as he could. He had asked a lady at a store how to do it and she explained it to him very explicitly._

_"Daddy?" Sam asks and looks around, while Dean searches for the small stool he used earlier to reach the stove. He is too short for his age, according to John and he hates it, when Dean can't reach things. But Dean can't help that. Sam is going to be tall, John always says with a proud smile. Maybe he is right._

_"Is gone. He will be back in a few days." Dean answers, when he heats up the soup and tries to remember, where John put the last two slices of bread. Dean really needs to go shopping tomorrow. At least they have enough juice left. Sam hates to drink water and always starts a fuss._

_"Again?" Sam asks and he already sounds on the edge of tears. Dean closes his eyes, he shouldn't have let him fall asleep in the first place, but he wanted to play with the new army mans Sam had gotten and Dean knew John couldn't see that. So he had put Sam down to sleep and hide, while playing._

_"I'm sure he misses you a lot." Dean tries and he shrugs, when Sam doesn't look at him. John for sure misses Sam. He may be relieved not to have to deal with Dean._

_"I hate him!" Sam yells then and he starts to cry in the same moment. Dean nearly falls down his stool and looks at his brother, who is still sitting on the couch. Sam is shaking with anger, Dean didn't know a three-year old could muster._

_"Don't say that, Sammy. You love dad." Dean whispers, but Sam just shakes his head and cries louder. Dean jumps down the stool and almost falls flat on his face, as he races to his little brother. John would be so angry, if he knew Dean made Sam cry again._

_"I hate him! I want to go home!" Sam yells and he hides his face while he cries. Dean doesn't know what to do. They don't have a home anymore and he knows that Sam can't remember their house anyway, since he was way too young. Dean's heart aches when he thinks back to his own room._

_"He will be back, Sammy." Dean says again, but Sam starts to yell even louder. Dean sits next to him and tries to hug his brother, but this time Sam doesn't seem to calm down and Dean doesn't know what to do. He doesn't have any sweets to calm Sam down or even some new toys to distract him with. Sam hated the new army man earlier._

_"Go away! I don't want you either!" Sam cries and this time Dean jerks so hard, that he hurts himself. Sam doesn't want him either? But he is Sam's big brother. He needs Sam and he tries so hard to make Sammy happy, but then why doesn't Sam want him back?_

_"Sammy…" Dean's under lip trembles but he can't finish that sentence._

_"I want someone to take me away." Sam cries and before Dean can say anything to that, not that he had an idea what to say, a horrible sound explodes around them. Dean coughs, because there is thick smoke filling the whole room. He can't even see Sam anymore and Dean cries out for his brother._

_"Sammy? Where are you?" Dean is sure he is going to die, so fast is his heart beating. What if he lost Sam? John would beat his ass. Dean stands up and tries to search for his gun. Where did he put it, he needs to shoot this…whatever it was._

_"Samuel Winchester."_

_Dean ducks again, when he hears another voice in the room with them. He still can't find his gun and this thing might be already with Sam and what the hell should he do!?_

_"Who are you?" Dean asks shakily, even though he still can't see anything. There is still so much smoke, but Dean imagines that Sam is still sitting on the couch. Dean blinks again and finally the smoke vanishes. Dean was right, Sam is still on the end of the couch. Right in front of him is a man._

_"My name is Gabriel and I'm…" The man begins, just as Dean finds his gun and aims at him. He doesn't shoot the guy, because with just a movement of his hand the gun and his salt bullets are gone. Dean gasps at his empty hands._

_"You are my angel." Sam says slowly and the man - Gabriel - nods. Dean's legs start to shake and he sits down on the ground. He knows the man could be lying, but he just…looks like an angel. The gold hair and those eyes, they sparkle a bit. Dean never saw a ghost or anything, who looked like that…besides his mother's angel._

[](https://i.imgur.com/ClCTiCn.jpg)

_"That's right. Aren't you a clever boy?" Gabriel says and he sits down on the coffee table. Dean wants to say that they aren't allowed to sit there, but he can't speak._

_"Daddy always says I'm smart." Sam explains happily and forgotten are all his tears. Dean watches them and he feels a funny ache in his chest. He still feels scared and he hopes the feeling will go away._

_"Oh, I believe you. So you were calling me?" Gabriel says and he smiles at Sam. Dean gasps, when Gabriel shows off his golden wings. His mother always told him angels could hide their wings, if they wanted. But Gabriel seems to like to show them, Dean can understand why. They look beautiful and he wishes he could touch them._

_"I did. Because I wanna leave!" Sam says loudly and Dean looks at the ground. He can't fight against an angel, he knows that. If Sam really wants to leave…he can’t stop him._

_"And why is that?" Gabriel asks calmly and he smiles a lot. Dean wishes he would have an angel like that. Someone who is fun and would play with him._

_"Daddy always leaves me and I hate the food and I just wanna go." Sam whines and Dean looks up. The food. Oh no. Dean hastily stands up and goes over to the stove. He crawls on the stool and watches the tomato soup. It's a bit burned and Dean frowns. Maybe they can still eat it?_

_Dean doesn't hear what Gabriel answers to Sam, but they start giggling a few moments later and Dean tries to scrape off the remains of the soup. It doesn't look too bad, but Dean knows it isn't that good either. He closes his eyes, so he wouldn't start to cry over damn soup._

_"I think we should spend a bit of time together, Sammy. And if you still want to leave, I will see what I can do." Gabriel says then loudly and Dean puts the bowl of soup on the kitchen table. He searches for the last two slices of bread and frowns, when he can feel how hard they are. At least the juice is still good._

_"Do you want to play?" Sam asks then and Gabriel nods at that. He smiles widely and with a snap of his finger's, there are a few toy cars around Sam on the couch. Dean looks at them and gasps, when he even sees a small Impala. His fingers itch to touch them, but he stays at the kitchen table._

_"I love playing." Gabriel says and he really sounds as if he means it. Sometimes John plays with Sam too, but he never seems really happy about it. Dean watches them quietly and sighs. Sam needs to eat something before it's cold on top._

_"Sammy? How about we eat first?" Dean tries and Gabriel looks to him. Dean gulps and takes a step back. What if the angel kills him? He's Sam's Guardian Angel not Dean's._

_"Eat? What? That sad soup over there?" Gabriel asks and he snickers. Sam giggles too and Dean looks at the bowl. His under lip wobbles again, but he won't cry in front of the angel._

_"I don't have anything else." Dean answers quietly and the angel snaps his fingers again. This time there are no new toy cars, but there is so much food. Dean can see pizza and burgers and even some delicious looking pie on the couch table around Gabriel. Sam cheers happily and starts eating some fries. Dean's tummy grumbles._

_"Do you want something too, boy?" Gabriel asks and Dean looks at the pie again. He can't remember the last time he had pie and it looks really good…_

_"No thank you." Dean says stiffly and sits down at the kitchen table. Gabriel isn't his angel and Dean knows Sammy needs some good food more than he does. Dean wouldn't want to weaken the angel, so he could have some dumb pie._

_"Suit yourself." Gabriel says and goes back to watching Sam. At least that means that Dean can have the bread and the soup. It tastes horrible and Dean's tummy isn't happy with it either, but it's enough to make it stop growling._

_Hours later Dean lays exhausted on his blanket on the floor. Normally, he would sleep on the couch, but there are toys everywhere and Dean feels too tired to move all that stuff away. Gabriel stayed very long and played lot of funny games with Sam, while Dean cleaned the kitchen and made the bed ready for Sam._

_"Please…" Dean whimpers into the quiet night._

_Gabriel had left for now and let Sam sleep. But he would come back tomorrow and if Sam still wants to leave, he would go with him. Sam could live with Gabriel if he wanted, had the angel said. It would be better for him than to stay here. Dean sniffles quietly. Gabriel is right. Sam would be happier, away from John and him._

_"Please… if you are there, come get me too." Dean whispers and he tries to think of an angel for him. It's not the first time he tried to call for his angel, but this time it hurts even more, because Sam has an angel and Dean knows he is just jealous, but he can't help it. Doesn't he deserve an angel, too?_

_"I don't wanna be alone." Dean prays and the tears start coming, when the room stays quiet._

_No angel for him._

  


*

  


Dean shakes his head at the memory. He should be fucking thankful Gabriel didn't take Sam away. But he always came for Sam, when John left them alone again. He would make Sam presents and would always snap his fingers for the best food. Dean always tried to be good and let Sammy have all of it, but sometimes the hunger was too bad and he asked Gabriel quietly for a sandwich, too.

"No wonder, you don't have an angel." Dean mutters, when he lays down in his sleeping bag. Tomorrow he should really try to sleep in a motel or something. Maybe he could even go back to Bobby. But Dean is afraid what he would say if he knew, that Dean was still without an angel. Most people don't want him around.

Dean checks his gun again and puts it under his old pillow. He can't sleep here defenseless. The last time he was injured after a hunt, he was too careless and nearly got beaten to death by a few drunks.

"I wish you could hear me. Those vampires yesterday were so damn strong. I nearly thought…I thought I would die there. Do you…do you think maybe I should've let them? I don't want to die, but what if it's better? I really try to be good. I save people… right or… or am I not? I just wish… I wouldn't be alone." Dean prays quietly. 

He does it every night, even though he knows there isn't an angel for him.

"Help!"

Dean wipes his tears away and sits up. He can see a man standing at the wall of the bridge. He is breathing hard and seems to be afraid of something. Dean takes his gun and waits. He is pretty sure something horrible is coming for that man and Dean needs to be ready for it.

"What's wrong?" Dean asks the guy and when he turns around, Dean feels like his heart stops. The guy looks beautiful. Dark hair and blue eyes, bright like the ocean. Dean wants to immediately apologize to the stranger for looking like a dirty mess. He tries to hide his dirty and bloody clothes, but he knows the guy saw it.

"I'm not sure… there is a… _something_ following me." The man says and Dean nods. Probably one of those vampires followed him here. He knew he had made a mistake, when he counted only six dead bodies. Dean puts the gun in the back of his jeans and gets his favorite knife.

"Okay. Stay right there. I will solve the problem." Dean says and he gets up. He tries to be quiet, but his shoes squeak with every step, since they are still wet. Dean carefully looks around the corner but he can't see anyone. Just one second later he is already on the ground, wheezing.

"Oh hell no." Dean growls, when he sees the Vampire. Maybe he followed Dean to this bridge. Dean looks back to the guy, who looks really afraid and hides right by Dean's stuff.

"You again." The Vampire snarls and Dean doesn't hesitate this time and he closes his eyes, when the blood splatters everywhere. The vampire's head falls to the ground and Dean looks away. Even though he is a hunter, he isn't very good with the gore that comes with it.

"What was that?" The guy asks and he looks confused, but not exactly surprised. Dean actually thought he had already left.

"A Vampire." Dean says quietly and then he searches for a blue plastic bag he has somewhere to hide the body… and the head. It takes Dean longer than he intended and he is glad nobody else sees him doing it, when he hides the vampire. Sometimes he really hates his job, but he isn't good at anything else.

"Do you… do this often?" The guy asks again and Dean looks back to him. Those blue eyes are practically sparkling in the dark and Dean hopes his blush isn't too obvious. 

He always knew that he liked boys too. Maybe that's why he doesn't deserve an angel? His father loved to yell that at him. Dean is sure that gay people have angels as well, but John's words are still like a dagger under his skin.

"Yeah, kinda my job." Dean answers and then goes back to his sleeping bag. He is not cold anymore, because of the fight, but that feeling will go away in a few minutes and then he has to freeze again. Dean shudders.

"So you are a hunter? You save people everyday and then… sleep under a bridge?" Blue-eyes asks and Dean blushes harder this time. He knows it's embarrassing, but hunting monsters doesn't exactly bring him money. Sometimes he can play a bit of pool to make money, but most of the time he sleeps like this.

"Look, if you want to make fun of me or something, please have a ball. But I want to sleep now. So bye." Dean says and he turns around to the wall of the bridge. Of course this guy was way too pretty to be nice. Dean snorts at himself.

"I wasn't trying to make fun of you. I apologize for this misunderstanding." The guy says and Dean turns a bit around. He is actually impressed that the guy didn't run away. Normally people accept angels around them, but if they see a monster they run like hell. Maybe this guy already had some experience with monsters. Sometimes that happens.

"What's your name?" The guy asks then and Dean's eyes widen. Why does he want to know that?

"Dean." He mumbles a bit shyly and looks at the ground. He isn't even sure why he is this embarrassed, but the guy looks so stunning and he would… leave like anybody else, if he learned that Dean doesn't have an angel.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dean. My name is Cas." Dean raises his eyebrows at that, because that doesn't sound like a real name. Maybe it’s a nickname for Casper or Casimir or something and he just hates his real name. Dean smiles anyway.

"Well then what else can I do for you, _Cas_?" Dean asks and Cas raises his eyebrows.

"Nothing. But since you just saved my life, I would like to do you a favor, too. I don't like the idea of you outside here all alone, so why don't you come with me? I have a guest room." Cas says and now Dean is the one to raise his eyebrows.

"What?" Dean asks, because what if this Cas guy is an actual serial murderer and he just wants Dean to come with him, so he can kill him. But he ran away from that vampire and he just looks so nice. And Dean really wants to sleep in a real bed tonight.

"I think you heard me." Cas says and his voice is just so smooth, but also deep. Dean would have declined the offer, but Cas seems to have such a calm aura, that he feels himself nodding.

"Okay. I mean, thank you. I would… uhm like to sleep in a bed for a night." Dean whispers and then Cas smiles at him. It's barely there, but Dean's heart clenches in his chest. He wishes he would deserve somebody that beautiful in his life.

"Pack your stuff and follow me. It's not far." Cas says and Dean nearly falls on his ass, when his foot gets stuck in his sleeping bag. He doesn't look at Cas, but he knows he is laughing quietly. Dean gets his bag and puts everything back in there. When he is ready, he goes over to Cas, who is already waiting at the Main Street.

"You really sure you want me around?" Dean asks, just to be sure and Cas smiles at him again. He looks so collected and not as if he just saw a vampire and offered a fuck-up a bed for the night.

"Yes, Dean. Do you need to call your angel and tell him, where you are?" Cas asks, as they start walking and Dean stops in the middle of the street. He doesn't know why, but people always ask about his angel. As if they knew beforehand, that he doesn't have one.

"Oh, I uhm… I don't know how to say it. I h-haven't met my angel yet." Dean stutters and Cas stops in his tracks, too. He looks back at Dean and he actually seems to frown at that. Dean sighs. He isn't going to sleep in a bed tonight. He knew it.

"What a shame." Cas says and then he starts walking again. Dean looks at the ground and balls his hands into fists. He tries to blink the tears away, but he can't help the sniffles. Why isn't he worth anything, just because he doesn’t have an angel?

"Whatever." Dean mutters angrily and he wants to go to the opposite direction. If he is lucky, the place under the bridge will still be free and he could actually get some sleep. His body is hurting and he just wants to lay down.

"You coming?" Cas asks, as he reaches the next corner and Dean looks to him. Is he serious?

"You still want me to come?" Dean asks in disbelief, because what is wrong with this guy? Maybe he _is_ a serial killer and this is just a bad trap. Or maybe Dean hit his head really hard and is dreaming. Maybe both happened.

"Of course. I'm sure your angel is just late, don't you think?" Cas says and he seems genuinely interested in Dean's opinion. Dean opens his mouth and then he closes it again. He isn't sure what to say to that.

"Late?" Dean asks and Cas nods once. He seems very sure about that and Dean shrugs, because that just sounds like a lame excuse. But he is glad Cas doesn't think bad of him now.

"Yeah I mean, maybe he got caught up in heaven or something." Cas says and he smiles a very tiny smile again. Dean can feel himself smiling too and then he takes a deep breath. Maybe his angel would still come. Maybe he wasn't that bad.

"I like that thought." Dean whispers, when he is next to Cas again. They walk the next minutes in silence and Dean looks around. It looks nice around here, with lovely little houses on either side of the street. Dean wonders how Cas' house looks.

"I have to apologize beforehand. My angel will be home and he is kind of… well a handful." Cas says, when he stops and points at a rather small house. Dean doesn't register the words at first. He is way too happy to look at that house. It even has a small garden and Dean can see some beautiful flowers. It's reminds him of the home he once had.

"Your angel?" Dean asks and he looks back to Cas. Of course the guy has an angel. How could he not? Cas doesn't even know him, but he already offered him a bed for the night and he was nothing but kind so far. Dean looks ashamed to the ground.

"Yeah. Balthazar." Cas says and Dean nods at the name. Most of the angels have funny names anyway.

Before Dean can do anything, like run away, Cas goes the stairs up to his front door and opens it with a shiny silver key. Dean follows him quietly and Cas holds the door open for him. Dean is pretty sure he is blushing again.

"Shoes off, please." Cas says and he is so close, that Dean's stops breathing for a second. Cas' voice is like honey and Dean wants to drown in it. Instead he just nods and puts his old shoes against the wall right at the front door. He is ashamed for his dirty socks, but maybe Cas doesn't see it.

Then again, Dean's other clothes don't look better. Even his old leather jacket, the one he stole from his father, is dirty and has a few holes. Dean doesn't know how Cas would want something this dirty in his nice house.

"Fucking finally, Cas-" Someone says and Cas looks up and glares at the intruder. Instantly the other guy shuts his mouth, when he sees how Cas looks. Dean steps nervously from one foot to another.

"Balthazar, meet Dean. Dean, this is my… _angel_." Cas says then and Dean looks at Balthazar more closely. He has dark blond hair and a grin that already says how much trouble he can be. Dean offers his hand and tries to smile.

"Dean. What a lovely name, right Cas? So do tell me, _Dean,_ what are you doing here with good old Cas?" Balthazar asks and he already puts an arm around Dean's shoulders, before shoving him into a small kitchen. Dean blushes even more and he hopes Balthazar can't read his thoughts. Gabriel told Sam and Dean before that Angels sometimes can do that.

"U-uhm he invited me over." Dean stutters and he looks at Cas for help, who sighs and then presses two fingers against the bridge of his nose.

"I told you Balthazar can be… something. So Balthazar, if you don't mind, leave him alone. Dean saved me from a creature, since your lazy ass wasn't around to do that and I want to thank him and since he doesn't have a bed for tonight, he stays the night with us." Cas explains then and Balthazar just smirks down at him. Dean wishes he could cuddle up against Cas instead.

"So so I see. Well then, why not help him out of those filthy clothes first?" Balthazar says and he pretends to hold his nose. Dean is sure his whole face is burning now. Not only because of the humiliation about his dirty clothes, but because that sounded to Dean as if Cas should strip him out of his clothes.

Not that Dean had a problem with that.

"Why don't you help him? I mean you are the _angel_." Cas says and he tilts his head to one side. It would look adorable, if he didn’t frown so hard at Balthazar.

"You are so right, Brother. I mean Bro. Buddy?" Balthazar says and Dean frowns at that behavior, but before he can think more about it, something weird happens. Dean feels as if something cold goes through his whole body, just like water and it's gone before he can even panic about it.

"Huh?" Dean makes and then he looks down. He wears some dark blue and clean jeans now. On top of that he wears a black henley with a green plaid shirt over it. The clothes are clean, plus they smell fresh and don't have holes in them. Dean gasps, when he sees the new socks, too. He could swear even his underwear is new.

"Feeling better now?" Cas asks and he doesn't make fun of Dean. No, he looks actually concerned and Dean nods as fast as he can. Oh please, let them have him keep those clothes, when he has to leave tomorrow. He would actually start crying if Balthazar could give him some new shoes, too.

"Yes. Thank you. Oh god, thank you. Really." Dean babbles and Cas smiles at him. This time the smile is so much bigger, than the others before and he looks relieved, that Dean feels so good. Balthazar just nods, but at least he seems a bit pleased, too.

"Not a problem. So how does dinner sound?" Balthazar says then and he clasps his hands. Dean gasps at all the food and it reminds him so much of Sam and Gabriel, that he has to rub over his eyes, so he wouldn't start crying right here and now.

"Dean?" Cas asks, because of course he saw, what Dean was doing.

"S-sorry. It’s just… my little brother has an angel and he always creates so much food too and I just… miss him." Dean whispers and he tries to smile, but it must look like a grimace, because Balthazar raises his eyebrows.

"Don't be sorry. I bet your brother misses you as well." Cas says then, before he goes over to the table and sits down. Balthazar sits right next to Cas and so Dean has to sit opposite from them. He quietly comes over to the table and sits down. He knows Cas means only well, but Dean is sure Sam doesn't miss him.

Dean sits still for a moment and he only takes something from the food, when Cas puts it on his plate. It's a burger and it looks so good. Dean's tummy rumbles loudly and he blushes. He hastily takes a bite and it's so fucking good, that he actually moans.

"I don't think so. He has Gabriel and I'm pretty sure a girlfriend by now." Dean says and somehow that seemed to be the wrong thing, because both Balthazar and Cas look up.

"Gabriel?" Cas asks then and he still has the fork full with delicious food right in front of his mouth. Dean tries not to stare at those plush pink lips, but he fails spectacularly.

"He is not by chance a bit tiny with blond hair, gold wings and an attitude that could fill this house?" Balthazar asks then and Dean frowns.

That sounds exactly like the Gabriel he knows. But wouldn't that be a bit strange? Dean always thought Gabriel was a pretty common name and he assumed just like with humans, there were angels with the same name.

"Uhm… that sounds like him." Dean says and Cas looks so happy at that. Dean isn't sure what is happening, but he is also a bit afraid to ask. Is Gabriel bad news? Is he dangerous for Sam?

"Oh finally! We're searching for him for months!" Balthazar says and he claps his hands. Hm, that sounds way too happy for Gabriel to be something dangerous. Dean looks over to Cas, who is almost grinning as wide as Balthazar.

"You know him?" Dean asks and takes another one of those burgers. He stops in his movement, because he isn't sure if he is allowed to take even more food, but nobody says anything and Dean hastily bites into it. Still so good.

"I know all my brothers and sisters. But let's just say… Gabriel was special to me." Balthazar says and Dean nods. He isn't sure what the hell that could mean, but he isn't one to judge. Maybe it was okay for male angels do date other male angels? Dean doesn't know. His mother always just told him the love between angel and human is forbidden.

His father showed him with a belt that the love between men is forbidden as well. Dean still has those scars on his back, just because he looked too long at another boy. Dean shudders.

"Do you think… you could bring us to him?" Cas asks then and Dean's eyes widen.

"W-what?" Dean says, because he can't go back. He can't go to Sam and just pretend nothing happened. Sam was very honest with them, when he left. He told Dean and John that he doesn't want to see them again. He is at university, living the life he always wanted _and_ deserved.

"It's really important, Dean." Balthazar says and he sounds way too serious. Dean is a bit afraid, when Balthazar looks at him like that, he didn't seem like a guy who thought about anything as important.

"He is a bad guy? W-will he hurt Sammy?" Dean asks and Cas' soft smile calms him down in just a few seconds. Balthazar is shaking his head and is also laughing at Dean, too. But Cas is just looking, as if Dean was something precious. Dean looks down at his plate, still filled with so much food.

"No he won't, I can promise you that. I just thought I had lost him years ago. I mean I knew he would be on earth somewhere, but I couldn't find him." Balthazar explains and Dean nods. He knows how Balthazar feels, if he misses his brother. Dean's chest always hurts, when he just thinks about Sam.

"But I thought all angels could find each other." Dean says and frowns. He remembers Gabriel telling Sam that he would visit some other angels sometimes. But maybe Gabriel was lying. Or those two are lying. Dean looks back to Cas, who still smiles so softly at Dean. It costs all his willpower not to blush under that gaze.

"Not if they don't want to be found, I guess." Cas says and now he seems a bit sad. Dean isn't sure what he wants to say with that, so he looks to Balthazar. Maybe the angel among them could explain it better.

"Gabriel and I had a fight. It was… bad. And he left right in the middle of it, when he heard the call from his charge. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't find him." Balthazar says and Dean feels bad for him. It sounds way too close to home for him, so Dean holds his hand up. He doesn't want to think about Sam any more than he already did today.

"I don't think I can show you. Sam… he is better off without me." Dean says and he shoves the plate away. He isn't hungry anymore, no he feels sick and maybe he shouldn't have eaten anything at all.

"We won't pressure you, Dean. But maybe you could think about it." Cas says quietly and he sounds sad. Dean doesn't comment on it and nods. The guy wants to give him a bed for the night. Dean should at least be able to think about it.

"I will." Dean whispers and with just another clap of Balthazar's hands, the table is empty again. Dean isn't sure what he should do now and before he can say more, the other two get up.

For a second it looks as if Balthazar spaces out. His whole body tenses and his eyes look scarily empty. Just as Dean wants to ask what's wrong, Balthazar moves again and he smiles. It looks awful.

"Cas, a word?" Balthazar says then and points to the door, where the hall is. Cas just nods and follows him. They leave the door a bit open and Dean can't help it, he listens. He wants to know what's wrong. Maybe Balthazar got warned about Dean or anything. Maybe they would kick him out.

"What's wrong Balthazar?" Cas asks and he sounds actually worried for the first time. Dean prays to whoever could hear him, that they don't make him leave. He just needs this one good night and he…he doesn't want to leave Cas.

"Nothing big. I just need to see Charlie." Balthazar says quietly and Dean raises his eyebrows. Charlie? _Oh_. Maybe Balthazar had a girlfriend and wanted to see her. Dean remembers that some angel have relationships with other angels. It's not common, since most of the angels are kinda… emotionless. But Balthazar doesn't seem to be like that.

"No problem, Balthazar. And thank you." Cas replies quietly. Dean tries to concentrate on something else. He doesn't want Cas to know that he listened to such a personal conversation.

"I will leave your for the night, Cas. Ring me, if you need me." Balthazar says louder and Dean nearly falls from his chair, while he tries to look casual. Cas comes back through the door a second later and smiles carefully.

"You must be tired. Should I show you the guest room?" Cas says and Dean nods a bit relieved. He hastily stands up and follows Cas up the stairs and then to a big white door. Cas opens it and Dean gasps. If this is the guest room, then he doesn't want to see Cas' real bedroom.

Well he does, but you know.

"Is this… enough?" Cas asks and he sounds unsure. Dean looks to him and grins widely.

"This is the best room I was ever allowed to sleep in." Dean says honestly and he carefully steps in. He can see his stuff right next to the bed, so Balthazar must have brought it here with his powers, while they ate. The bed is so big, Dean could cry. There is also a big wardrobe Dean wouldn't need, some cupboard with books, a small armchair and a tv.

"I'm actually sad to hear that." Cas answers and Dean blushes again. _Oh god_. He shouldn't have said that. Cas must think that he was such a damn loser. He would never have a chance with somebody like Cas.

"I wanted to thank you again. For letting me stay here. I really appreciate that. It's … unusual. Normally people freak out, when they hear that I don't have an angel." Dean says and he sits on the bed. It feels so soft and Dean wants to cuddle into the blankets and sleep forever. He is glad for his clean clothes though, he would hate to mess up this wonderful bed.

"I told you, you saved me. How can you be a bad person?" Cas answers and he comes into the room. He even sits down in the armchair and just watches Dean for a few seconds.

"Well I still…uhm kill." Dean says and looks as his hands. He was never really shy, but something about Cas just intimidates him. He can't even look him right into those blue eyes, when he says stuff like that. Not that the is proud of the killing, but normally he lies to women about it, if he wants them for the night.

Dean swallows. Not that he wants Cas for the night. Well wrong. He absolutely wants that. And _more_.

"But only monsters, right?" Cas says and Dean nods. He could never kill a human. Sometimes a job goes wrong and innocent people die, because Dean made the wrong decisions and it hunts him to this day. He doesn't forget any of the victims, he can still see them at night.

"Still." Dean only offers and Cas smiles his sad smile again. Dean feels worse now, so he turns to his stuff and looks right through it. He takes out an old picture, that shows him and Sam, when they were still little. Dean puts its on his nightstand, where he always had it, when he still had a room.

"You really miss him, huh?" Cas whispers, when he looks at that picture. Dean tries very hard not to tear up, so he looks back to Cas again. The man just has something about him, that makes Dean's knees buckle.

"There isn’t a day, where I'm not thinking about him. He was everything I had. My mum died, when I was only four and my dad…. well I should be happy, that he left me." Dean says and he tries to be all cool about it. But his under lip wobbles dangerously and he shrugs.

"Your dad seems like an idiot." Cas says and he sounds so angry, that Dean is a bit surprised. Nobody has ever said that, besides Sam and Bobby. No, most of the people still like John, even though he doesn't have a guardian angel. But then again, he was always lying about that part. Dean never lied about it.

"I suppose he is. But then again, who wants a son like this?" Dean says and points at himself. He doesn't want Cas' pity or anything, but the words come out, without his permission. Cas' blue eyes go soft again.

"Everybody should want somebody like you in their lives." Cas just says and Dean gasps quietly. That sounds almost as if Cas is flirting with him. Dean knows his whole face is burning by now. Cas doesn't even know him.

"T-thank you." Dean mumbles embarrassed and he plays with the blanket on the bed. Cas just smiles again and then gets up.

"I should leave you, so you can sleep. You deserve some rest. My room is right next to yours, if you need something during the night. The door next to your bed leads you to another bathroom. Feel free to shower there." Cas explains and Dean's eyes widen.

"I can shower here?" Dean asks perplexed and Cas smiles.

"Of course, Dean. Make yourself a home." Cas says and he goes over to the door to leave Dean alone. Just as he goes through the door, Cas looks back.

"And Dean? It would mean very much to Balthazar to find his brother again. We don't want to pressure you, but please think about it." Cas says quietly and Dean nods a bit stunned.

"I promise." Dean whispers and Cas nods, before wishing him a goodnight and then closing the door. Dean sighs happily and suppresses the urge to scream into his pillow like a little girl.

Instead he finds himself in the big bathroom and takes a really long shower. He feels incredibly bad for using so much hot water, but it feels so good on his skin, that Dean could start crying again. He smiles and thinks about Cas and his soft smile and for the first time in a long time, Dean feels good. Not perfect, but good.

Then he makes the mistakes and looks down. Sees all his scars along his body and he frowns. Cas is way out of his league. Dean shakes his head and steps out of the shower. Only a few minutes later he is lying in that soft bed with a brand new pajama, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey Angel. I wish you could see me right now. I'm sleeping in a real bed. And… I'm actually happy now. I met this man… Cas. And… I really like him. I wish could stay with him. He told me, that I would have an angel one day and that you are just too busy to come for me… I hope he is right. I can't wait to meet you." Dean whispers into the night.

No answer. But Dean falls asleep with a smile, when he thinks of Cas again.

  


*

  


"Good morning, Dean."

Dean looks up, when he comes into the kitchen and is surprised that there is some breakfast on the table. Cas seems to be alone, but he is smiling at Dean and then points at the empty chair.

"Uhm… uh thank you." Dean mutters and slowly sits down. It almost looks as if Balthazar was here earlier, because this is way too much food for being prepared easily by one man.

"Did you sleep well?" Cas asks, while he pours some coffee into his mug. He offers Dean some coffee as well, but Dean shakes his head and then reaches for some tea. Dean smiles and looks at all the food.

"What can I…" Dean starts, but Cas holds a hand up.

"Everything. I mean… you can take what you want. I'm already finished." Cas says and he laughs a bit, when Dean gasps loudly. He hastily takes some bacon, with eggs and bread. And then he also steals a pancake on a second plate. Cas just chuckles and Dean starts eating. He feels good here and he wishes he could stay forever. Not because of the food, of course.

"Thank you so much." Dean mutters again and again. The food tastes so good and he can't help but groan, when he tastes the bacon for the first time. Cas looks sharply up at that and Dean is sure he is as red as the table cloth. _Oh god_. He knows he is often a messy eater, but he never made that noise before.

"Not a problem, Dean. I'm sorry for being already this forward this morning, but Balthazar will return shortly and I wanted to know, if you thought about our… request." Cas says and Dean stops eating immediately. He actually thought about it before he came downstairs.

He knows he should stay away from Sam. It would be a lot better for Sam, but… but he misses him and there is a tiny flame inside Dean, that hopes Sam misses him as well. Besides, maybe that meant he could spend a little more time with Cas. Just a few hours, before Dean would face his real life again. Dean knows he is selfish.

"Yeah." Dean says and Cas does this thing again, where he cocks his head to one side. Dean chuckles happily at that. It just looks so cute and innocent on Cas.

"I don't think I understand. Was that already your answer to our request or to my question, if you thought about it?" Cas asks and he takes another sip of his coffee. He licks his lips afterwards and Dean watches his mouth a few seconds too long.

"Yes to both. I will tell you where Sam and Gabriel are. But… I want to come with you." Dean says and Cas looks so relieved at that, that Dean feels good about his decision. Hopefully, Sam would be happy too.

"Of course! That won't be a problem. We angel… I mean we people with guardian angels travel a lot by flying. Balthazar for sure can take you with him as well." Cas says and Dean looks at his lap. Normally he would already be angry, that somebody pointed his missing angel out, but this one just hurt.

 _We people with guardian angels_. As if Dean didn't already feel bad enough.

"Okay." Dean just mutters and ignores Cas. He just takes some more of the bacon, because it was fucking delicious alright, but he doesn't try to talk to Cas again. Cas seems to realize his mistake and frowns at Dean. It looks almost cute. Dean bites himself on the tongue.

"Dean. I want to apologize for that." Cas says and he really looks sorry. Dean swallows and nods. Not the worst he ever heard, so why does it hurt so much more this time.

"It's alright." Dean answers quietly and he wishes Balthazar would please come and finally end this awkward breakfast. But Cas doesn't seem to be finished. He leans closer to Dean and there is this sad look in his eyes again. It's not pity, but Dean can't really understand it.

"No I mean it, Dean. I'm so sure your angel is still out there." Cas says and then he puts his hand directly over Dean’s. Dean doesn't know what to do, Cas' hand is warm and he carefully strokes over Dean’s fingers.

"T-thank you." Dean stutters and he feels ashamed. He can't think clearly around Cas, but Cas just smiles softly at him and takes a step back.

"Balthazar? Do you have a second?" Cas says loudly and just as he finished talking, Balthazar is with them in the room. He wears only pants and has his shirt still in his hands.

"Really? Do I look like the Genie from Aladdin to you?" Balthazar asks and he rolls his eyes, before he puts his shirt on. Dean doesn't say anything to that and busies himself with his breakfast again.

"Balthazar, I don't understand that reference, but Dean says he would help us with Gabriel." Cas says slowly and he tilts his head to one side again. Dean chuckles a bit, because how can Cas be so hot and so cute in the next second?

"Oh, that's great news!" Balthazar says and he claps his hands. Dean whines, when the breakfast vanishes in front of his eyes. He sadly licks at his empty spoon, while Cas and Balthazar pack some things together.

"Okay Dean, where do we need to go?" Cas says and he wears that trench coat again. Balthazar is wearing a leather jacket and Dean reaches for his filthy one. Balthazar snickers and snaps his fingers. Dean nearly hugs him, when the leather jacket turns out to be new and completely clean.

"S-Stanford. I mean, I know Sammy wanted to study there and he is so smart, I’m sure they took him in!" Dean says and he can't help it, he always sounds proud when he talks about his brother. He wishes he would be so clever himself.

"I'm sure of that, Dean." Cas says and he smiles. Balthazar rolls his eyes at that and then puts his hand on Dean's shoulder.

"You ever traveled with an angel?" Balthazar asks and Dean sadly shakes his head. Gabriel only ever took Sam with him to playgrounds or a cinema. Dean never wanted to join them anyway.

"Oh. Well some humans think it's a bit uhm… much." Cas says then and Dean thinks it's weird, how he says the word humans. But he is more afraid of his other words.

"I'm… I'm afraid of flying… is that… a problem?" Dean says quietly and Balthazar starts laughing again. Dean’s cheeks burn, but Cas just smiles his calming smile again. Dean’s heart flutters.

"Don't worry, it's not like in a plane. It only takes a few seconds and yeah sometimes humans get dizzy, but you don't really see anything." Cas says and he comes a bit closer. Dean focuses on Cas' deep blue eyes and nods. He wouldn't be a baby right now.

"Okay. Then… let's go?" Dean says and Balthazar nods. His hand is still on Dean's shoulder.

"Cas. You know the rules. I need to touch you." Balthazar says then and Dean smiles. Cas seems a bit weird though, shouldn't he know stuff like that, if he has Balthazar around? But then again, maybe Balthazar came only a few weeks ago to Cas? That would explain why Cas still thinks Dean will get his angel sometime.

"Sure." Cas says easily, but he doesn't reach for Balthazar or even takes a step closer. He just takes Dean's left hand in his right one and squeezes Dean's hand. Dean is sure his face explodes, but he doesn't care. Cas is actually holding his hand. Dean ducks his head, when Balthazar starts laughing again.

"Well I guess that works, too." Balthazar says and without any warning they are off. Cas was right, when he said that it’s a weird feeling and even though he can’t really focus on anything, Dean gets really dizzy.

“Son of a bitch.” Dean mutters, when he lands hard on his feet and if Cas wasn’t still holding his hand, Dean would’ve fallen on his face. He still feels bad and for a very bad second, he thinks he needs to puke.

“Magnificent.” Balthazar laughs, when he lets go of Dean’s shoulder and turns around to look at their surroundings. They landed near the campus and Dean tries to focus on the building.

“Dean, are you alright?” Cas asks and he seems a bit worried. Dean only presses his eyes close and waits for the feelings to go away. This is even worse than flying with a plane. 

“I just… need a moment.” Dean admits and Cas helps him towards one of the benches, Dean groans and then props his arm’s on his knees, so he can put his face in his hands. He doesn’t want to puke in front of Cas. 

“Balthazar? Could you maybe look for Gabriel and Sam? I will take care of Dean.” Cas says and Dean feels the warmth of his own cheeks against his hands. Take care of him. He wishes Cas would mean that in more than just one way.

“Sure. Have fun.” Balthazar says and Dean imagines that he is winking at Cas.

“It’s okay Dean. That happens to the best.” Cas whispers, when they are alone. He stands directly in front of Dean and the next moment he carefully strokes through Dean’s hair. Dean lets his head rest against Cas’ belly. It feels so good.

“Did you ever get dizzy?” Dean asks quietly and when Cas chuckles, he can feel it, right against his temple. Dean wants to nuzzle into the trench coat, but he doesn’t. 

“Not that I can remember, but I always liked flying anyway.” Cas admits and he is still running his fingers through Dean’s hair. They could stay like this forever, but Dean knows that this is important to Cas.

“Okay, I’m fine. Let’s go.” Dean says and his words prove him wrong, when he tumbles a bit, as he gets up. Cas watches him with a smile, but he still looks worried. Dean takes a deep breath.

Just as Dean tries to think of a direction they should walk towards, he can see three people standing at the main door of the university. One of them is clearly Balthazar, the others is Gabriel, who still looks the same, but there is another person. 

Tall, long hair. It’s Sam. Dean can’t swallow, the lump in his throat is too big. Before he can do anything, the three of them walk over.

“It is really him.” Cas says and he even takes Dean’s hand again, before he walks over to them. Dean is too surprised to struggle and he actually follows Cas. 

“Dean!” Sam says, when they are close enough and Cas lets go of his hand. As if on cue, Sam actually starts running over to them and Dean isn’t really sure, if that is a good sign. But then he already has Sam in his arms. 

Dean sighs happily and hugs his brother back. Well, he had thought about everything, but not that Sam would just hug him, as if he really missed him. Dean is so glad, that he presses even more up against him.

[](https://i.imgur.com/pKhg1VN.jpg)

“Sammy.” He mumbles and for the first time in years, Sam doesn’t complain about the nickname. Instead, he nods and then takes a step back. There are tears in his eyes and he is smiling. Dean smiles shakily back.

“It’s really you.” Sam says and Dean only nods.

“My friends Cas and Balthazar needed my help and... well, here we are.” Dean says and he points over to the three men. He can see that Gabriel is hugging Balthazar as well, while Cas watches them with a big smile.

“So, you aren’t here for me?” Sam wants to know and the insecurity in his words, hurts Dean worse than a knife ever could, but he wants to be honest with Sam.

“I wasn’t sure you would want me here.” Dean admits and it takes a lot of courage to actually say that to his brother. When Sam left, he had yelled at Dean that he never wanted to see him again, but of course Dean had always hoped that he had only said it in the heat of the moment. 

“Dean, I will always want you in my life and I’m sorry if I was being the biggest idiot ever, when I left you. Gabriel always wanted to get you, but… I was a coward and told him not to.” Sam whispers back and Dean swallows. 

“It’s okay.” Dean says, even though it’s not the truth. Sam was always able to save him from being alone on the streets, but he didn’t. That hurts like hell, even though Dean always knew it. Gabriel was an angel after all.

“Dean?” Cas asks and Dean is glad for the distraction, so he hastily turns around and walks over to the other three men. Dean isn’t sure if he ever saw Gabriel that happy before, but the angel is practically still clinging to Balthazar. 

“Everything alright?” Dean asks and when he squints to his right, he can see that Sam followed him and is now standing awkwardly behind him. Dean ignores him for now.

“Yes. I just wanted to thank you again. I can’t tell you how much that means to us.” Cas says and Dean frowns a bit, because what the hell does Cas have to do with Gabriel? He already has his own angel.

“Deano!” 

Dean groans at the old nickname, but he feels a bit better, when Gabriel actually hugs him as well. Dean always felt like a burden towards Gabriel, but apparently the angel missed him as well. Dean hugs him back.

“Hey Gabriel.” Dean whispers and when he looks over Gabriel’s shoulder, he can see how Cas smiles at him. Dean smiles back.

Now that Balthazar and Cas found Gabriel, Dean doesn’t really have a reason to stay with them and he feels selfish, but he wishes he would’ve mislead Cas and Balthazar on purpose first, just so he could stay with them a little while longer.

“Are you okay?” Gabriel asks and Dean blushes. Oh, maybe Gabriel read his thoughts again.

“I will be.” Dean mutters back, even though he doesn’t really believe it. Cas frowns at him as well and Dean tries to smile for his sake. He is very thankful for the one night in Cas’ guestroom. 

“Wait are you leaving again?” Sam wants to know and Dean looks back to his brother. He shrugs.

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I just wanted to know if you are alright and you seem to be in good hands here with Gabriel and I actually only helped Balthazar and Cas to find Gabriel again.” Dean says and he sees how his words hurt Sam, but he wouldn’t take them back. Sam hurt him as well and it would not be okay just like this.

“You don’t have to leave.” Cas says and Dean’s heart stumbles. 

“Yeah, I think we should celebrate our Brother Reunion!” Gabriel says loudly, before Dean can protest. Even Sam looks so excited at the mention of it, that Dean would be an asshole to deny it.

“Okay fine. But just tonight.” Dean says in the end and Sam hugs him again. Dean feels a bit uncomfortable, but Cas is smiling so beautifully at him, that Dean wouldn’t regret his decision. He isn’t sure why he trusts Cas so much already, but he can’t help the feeling. He wants to stay with him. 

“I bet Gabriel knows the best clubs around here.” Balthazar mentions and Gabriel grins. Dean is a bit afraid, because Gabriel even rubs his hands. While Sam talks to them Dean goes back to Cas.

“I can’t thank you enough, Dean.” Cas says and he is smiling so softly again. Dean wishes he could lean even more closer and feels the smile against his own lips. Sadly, he is still a coward and just shrugs.

“It was nothing.” Dean says and looks to the ground. No matter how many girls he already picked up in his life, he never went home with a guy before. Maybe that’s why he is so shy around Cas, but it could also be, because Cas is way out of his league. 

“I knew you didn’t want to come, so it was a lot to ask for. But I do believe your brother is happy to see you as well. I’m sure we will have a great time tonight.” Cas says and when Dean glances over to Sam, he can see that his brother looks as happy as Cas said. 

“Well, I don’t really have anything to go back to. So, pretending one more night, that I do have friends would be nice.” Dean says and he wants to kick himself. Why would he say things like that out loud? 

He wanted Cas to like him and not think he is the most awful person ever. Then again, Cas already knows that he doesn’t have a home.

“You have friends. Aren’t we friends?” Cas asks and he looks actually hurt. Dean chuckles. 

“We only know each other since yesterday.” Dean says, but Cas shrugs and takes Dean’s hand in his again. Dean isn’t sure if Cas knows what he is doing, but he wouldn’t let go of his hand, if heaven would fall down in this second.

“I feel like we know each other for way longer. It’s as if I always knew you.” Cas says and he looks down at their hands. Dean follows his gaze and has to smile himself. He doesn’t even care that Sam is watching him.

He feels so safe with Cas.

“Likewise.” Dean whispers and Cas’ head snaps up again. His eyes are a bit wider and his mouth open. Dean knows he will think forever about this.

“Okay Lovebirds, can we leave?” Gabriel calls and Dean ducks his head, when Cas let's go of his hand. Dean is bright red, when he looks up again, but Sam is luckily not looking at him, only Balthazar winks at him and Dean huffs. 

“Where are we going?” Cas asks, when he goes back to his angel and Dean follows them all down the street. He sighs happily, maybe this day would actually be one of the good ones.

“You’ll see.” Sam says and Dean smiles. Yeah, this will be a good day.

  


*

  


“Dean?” Sam asks hours later, when it’s already dark outside and they are in the fifth bar in only three hours. Dean looks up from his beer and sees Sam standing in front of him with a blonde girl at his side.

“Well, hello.” Dean says to her and he winks. Sam rolls his eyes at him. Well, some things would never change.

“This is Jessica. My girlfriend. Jess? This is my brother Dean, I told you about him.” Sam continues and Dean whistles. She looks hot and he can’t believe she actually likes his brother. Dean chuckles. 

“Nice to meet you.” Dean offers and she smiles a bit. 

“So, Dean how come I finally get to meet you?” Jess wants to know, as she sits down in the opposite bench of the both. Dean leans closer onto the table and shrugs. He wouldn’t tell her the truth, Sam can do that sometime. 

“Well, my friends needed to meet my brother’s Angel.” Dean says easily and Jess nods. She doesn’t seem too interested in his answer anyway, but at least she looks at Sam, as if he hung up the stars for her. Dean is happy for them.

“Yeah Dean, where is your Angel anyway? He was with you earlier, wasn’t he?” Sam asks and he looks around. Dean frowns at those words. Is Sam joking? He knows exactly, that Dean doesn’t have an angel. Dean glares at him but then he understands. 

Maybe Sam really doesn’t know that Dean has no guardian angel and he thinks Cas is his angel. Dean looks around and waves Cas over. The dark-haired man looks a bit surprised, but actually walks over to them.

“There you are, _angel!_ ” Dean says happily, when Cas stands behind him and puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean smiles up at him and almost has to laugh, when he sees the looks on Cas’ face. 

He looks so shocked. 

“Dean?” Cas asks slowly, but his blue eyes are still wide open and he looks like he wants to run. Dean continues to grin and when he is sure that Sam can’t see it, he winks at Cas.

“Jess? Sam? This is my angel, Cas.” Dean says happily and Cas slowly sits down next to them. Jess is smiling at him and even Sam seems to approve, but Cas is still not really focusing. Dean is a bit worried now.

Dean just hopes his real angel wouldn’t be angry that Dean makes up Cas as his angel. He just wants to be normal for one day, that isn’t too much to ask, right? Sam would think Dean is alright and happy and Dean could leave tomorrow morning, pretending he wasn’t a fuck-up. 

Sam could go on with his life with Jess, Gabriel and his university and just forget about Dean again. It would be better for everyone. 

“What are you doing?” Cas whispers into his ear, when Jess and Sam are talking about something else. Dean just leans closer and puts an arm around Cas. Even though his heart nearly bursts out of his chest, it feels good.

“Nothing.” Dean only says, because Sam is still glancing at them. Dean shrugs a bit with his free shoulder and presses his other side against Cas.

“Are you drunk?” Cas asks and he frowns adorably. Dean shakes his head. He is not really drunk, but clearly not sober either. He still wants to be close to Cas, but he knows he has to play this game of “Angel Cas” now as well. He doesn’t want Sam to worry anymore.

“Just tired.” Dean answers honestly and Cas nods. He seems still a bit shaken that Dean pretends they were guardian angel and human, but he relaxes, when Dean takes his hand again.

“We could leave early.” Cas mentions and Dean shrugs. Actually, he does like the idea, but he isn’t even sure where they would sleep. Would Cas ask Balthazar to take them to his home again? 

“Nah. Sam would be sad and I’m sure Balthazar wants to stay a bit longer with Gabriel as well.” Dean answer truthfully and turns around. He can see that Gabriel and Balthazar are still sitting at the bar chatting. Dean knows Gabriel was always one for smiles and fun, but he seems to glow with Balthazar back at his side.

Dean is glad they could make up again.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before.” Cas says and Dean’s eyes focus back on him. He was just looking how Sam took Jess back to the dancefloor. Dean raises his eyebrows. 

“What do you mean?” Dean asks and it comes out a bit defensive, but he heard enough from other people to know where this talk would end. 

“Someone so unselfish.” Cas says and he sounds honest. Dean ducks his head and hides a smile. Cas is not really flirting with him, but it’s enough to make Dean blush. He was never good with praise. 

“I’m just... trying to be nice. Nothing special.” Dean tries to play if off as nothing, but Cas seems to disagree. He shakes his head and sighs.

“You are so special and you don’t even realize it.” Cas says and Dean wants to pull his hand away. He needs to get out and breathe in some of the cold night air to calm down a bit or something. Cas doesn’t let him go.

“Cas…” Dean mumbles, but Cas smiles. He is still holding Dean’s hand between them, but uses his free hand to take his glass.

“Believe me Dean. You deserve to be saved.” Cas says and Dean doesn’t really understand. Is Cas talking about the fact that Dean is all on his own and has to sleep outside sometimes? That maybe he should allow himself to have Sam back in his life?

“No.” Dean answers. People without a guardian angel are bad people. Everyone knows that and just because Cas believes Dean will still get his, that doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s just wishful thinking and Dean believes in reality - not in dreams.

“You think you don’t deserve to be saved?” Cas asks back and before Dean can answer, the glass in Cas’ hand bursts into thousand of tiny splinters. Dean’s eyes widen.

“What the fuck?” Dean says, because of course Cas’ hand starts to bleed, while he is still gripping the remainings of the glass.

“I apologize.” Cas only says and then he lets go of Dean’s hand, so he can probably inspect his bleeding hand. Dean is sure that it must hurt like a bitch, he had hurt himself more than once on glass while flying through a window. 

“Fuck, are you okay? Show me your hand!” Dean says and Cas is a bit surprised, but holds his bleeding hand out for Dean. It looks pretty bad and Dean hisses through his teeth.

“It’s not that bad.” Cas protests, but Dean is having none of it. He looks around for Balthazar, but of course now the angel is nowhere to be found. Sam is still occupied with Jess, but Gabriel is at the bar.

“Gabe!” Dean says loudly and even though it’s loud in the bar from the music and the people, Gabriel seems to hear him. Dean nods at Cas’ hand and Gabriel vanishes from his stool. Dean doesn’t even jerk, when Gabriel is looking over his shoulder now.

“Oh wow, what did you do, Cas?” Gabriel asks and he carefully takes Cas’ hand into his own. Dean thinks he will heal it, but Gabriel doesn’t.

“It was an accident.” Cas mutters under his breath and Dean shakes his head.

“Can’t you just heal it?” Dean talks in between, because it is still bleeding and there are shards in Cas’ hand. The wound would for sure end up being infected. 

“No. It’s... not allowed for an angel to heal another human than his own with his grace.” Gabriel says and it sounds like a lie. Dean glares at him.

“Okay, then where is Balthazar?” Dean wants to know and he still can’t see Balthazar through the crowd. Doesn’t matter actually, because for sure Cas could just pray to him and Balthazar would be back.

“Occupied.” Gabriel offers and Cas nods.

“It’s not that bad, Dean. I can clean it up.” Cas says quietly and Dean huffs. Before any of them can say more stupid stuff like this, he takes off his new flannel, pulls it carefully around Cas’ hand. It’s soaked in blood and Dean raises his eyebrows at that, just to prove his point.

“Dean, your shirt!” Cas says, but Dean ignores him. He looks back to Gabriel.

“Where does Sam live? Can you take us there at least?” Dean says and he doesn't care that he would be flying again. He needs to clean Cas’ wound and that now and not tomorrow.

“Eh sure. It isn’t far from here and I can mojo you a new room.” Gabriel says and Dean doesn’t really care about that. He just needs to help Cas.

“We don’t have to…” Cas starts, but he gets interupted, when Gabriel presses his fingers against Dean’s and Cas’ forehead. The world turns dizzy for a moment, before Dean lands on his feet again.

The feelings is not as bad as it was the first time, but he still holds his hand in front of his mouth.

“Dean.” Cas says in his soft tone again and Dean just nods. He has to focus on other things for now. He carefully takes a look around and is a bit stunned that Sam has the money for such a big apartment.

“Wow.” He mutters and Gabriel laughs.

“Yeah I cheated a bit with my mojo because….” Gabriel stops at that and glances back to Cas. Dean sees that the blood is dripping on the carpet and decides that he don’t cares about the story from Gabriel.

“Okay, where is the bathroom?” Dean asks and Gabriel points at one of the white doors. Dean nods.

“It’s a bedroom. I assume you will stay the night and it has an attached bathroom.” Gabriel says and without another word, he is gone again. Dean doesn’t even look at him, but pushes Cas through the door.

“Sit down!” He says a bit more harsher than necessary, but he is worried about Cas and he always freaks out like this, when somebody he likes gets hurt. Cas actually sits down without another protest and Dean goes over to the bathroom.

When he comes back out with everything he needs, Cas has freed his hand from the flannel again and his trench coat is on the bed next to him and Dean sighs, when he sees that it’s ruined. Maybe he is lucky enough and Balthazar would fix it for him. 

“It’s not that bad.” Cas tries again, but Dean ignores him, kneels in front of him and starts to clean the wound up. It isn’t bleeding badly anymore, but as assumed, there are still some tiny shards in it and Dean carefully removes them. To Cas’ credit he isn’t flinching once or hissing through his teeth.

[](https://i.imgur.com/hjGK2x3.jpg)

Dean wipes all the blood stains away and luckily the cuts are not really deep. That is a bit surprising, because Dean was so sure, he had to stitch Cas up. He had done that to himself more than a dozen times, so he is really good at it now.

“All done.” Dean announces, when he bandages the hand slowly. Dean can’t help it and strokes softly over Cas’ hand. He never felt such an attraction before and he isn’t sure what he should do. 

He always picked up girls at the bar, not only to sleep in a bed that night, but he found them cute or hot and wanted to hold them close. But this _thing_ with Cas feels a lot of different and Dean knows he should be scared.

But somehow he isn’t. Not when he looks in those soft blue eyes.

“Thank you.” Cas whispers quietly and Dean sees the tiny smile on Cas’ face. 

“Anything for you.” Dean answers honestly and he can’t help it, he knows he is staring, but Cas doesn’t look away either. Dean isn’t sure who makes the first move, but Cas is pulling him up and then he lays back, and somehow Dean is leaning directly over him.

“Cas.” Dean breathes, but he doesn’t know why he said it. Cas just smiles again and then Dean is leaning closer and there is a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him down and then he is kissing Dean.

Dean feels like he is flying with an angel again, but this time he feels weightless and he doesn’t get dizzy. He hums against Cas’ mouth and gasps quietly, when he feels Cas’ tongue licking into his mouth. Dean opens up easily enough.

_Fuck yes._

Dean is careful, not to press his body weight down on Cas, but before he knows it, Cas pulls at his shoulders and Dean is the one on his back. Cas sits down on Dean’s hips as if he was born to sit there and he grins.

His lips are red and swollen. The eyes a lot darker. Dean’s pants tighten. 

“You look so beautiful like this.” Cas mutters and Dean can feel how he blushes. He knows it shows off his freckles even more and he wants to hide his face. Cas doesn’t let him, instead he presses a kiss against Dean’s hot cheek.

“No.” Dean answers, but Cas shakes his head.

“You are. I promise you, God never made anything more beautiful than you.” Cas says and Dean whines quietly. He would never admit that he made that noise, but Cas is grinning down at him. Dean wants to kiss him again.

“Kiss me?” Dean whispers and he is sure that Cas didn’t even hear him, but then Cas nods and leans down to kiss him again. This time his whole body is flush against Dean’s and Dean whimpers into the kiss. Seems like he isn’t the only one, who is excited about whatever this is.

Cas’ hands seems to be everywhere and Dean helplessly puts his own hands in Cas’ hair so he can mess it up even more. Cas actually groans at that and breaks the kiss. Dean has to laugh.

“You don’t know what you do to me, Dean Winchester.” Cas growls quietly and Dean really would love to hear, what he does to Cas, but he can’t get even more attached. He already feels as if he is in love and it’s wrong. He has to leave tomorrow again, he doesn’t want to be a burden for Cas.

“Show me.” Dean whispers and he means it. He never had sex with a man before, but he wants this. Even if it would be the only time in his life, he doesn’t think he will ever regret it. 

Cas looks unsure for a moment.

“Are you sure?” He asks and plays with the hem of Dean’s shirt. Dean doesn’t have to think about it and he nods shyly. He can’t help it. Sure, he had lots of sex before, but this feels so much different and not only because Cas is a man. 

“I need you.” Dean says and apparently those are the magic words, because Cas nods and then he takes off his own shirt. He opens the buttons very slowly, while he is sitting on Dean’s thighs. Dean wants to touch him, but he just enjoys the show for now.

Cas carefully puts the shirt next to his trench coat on the bed and Dean rolls his eyes, before he kicks the clothes on the ground. Cas smacks his thigh for that and Dean moans quietly. Embarrassed he looks away, but Cas is just huffing a laugh. 

“It’s okay.” He offers and then kisses Dean again. This time the kiss is barely a peck and when Dean thinks about complaining, Cas is already pressing more kisses to his cheek and then wanders down his neck. Dean groans. _Fuck._

“Tastes good, too.” Cas mutters while he sucks the skin right over his pulse into his mouth and Dean hisses. 

“Please.” Dean babbles and he isn’t sure what exactly he asking for, but Cas seems to have an idea. He actually pulls back and Dean whines this time. This is the opposite from what he wants. Cas just grins and then pulls on Dean’s shirt and _oh_. Yeah. He could lose that.

Cas even helps him out of the shirt and this time he throws his on the ground, while he waggles his eyebrows. Dean laughs at that and then kisses Cas again. Cas is kneeling between his legs now and he pushes Dean back until he touches the bed again.

“Relax.” Cas whispers, but then he presses soft kisses across Dean’s chest and Dean shudders, not only because he feels a bit cold exposed like this. Dean is nervous about the scars all over his torso, but Cas doesn’t seem to mind at all. He carefully kisses all over them.

Dean even throws his head back, when Cas licks a wet stripe over his left nipple, while he plays with the other one between his fingers. 

Dean didn’t know he would like that much, but it seems like this is really a turn on for him and he moans loudly. Embarrassed he closes his mouth, but Cas is of course having none of it.

“Let me hear you, Dean.” Cas mutters and his breath is warm directly over his wet skin. Dean shudders again and watches Cas smiling against his skin. Dean’s heart swells. He can’t remember if he ever felt that good.

“Okay.” Dean whispers back and when Cas dips his tongue into Dean’s navel, Dean doesn’t try to hide the sound, that escapes his mouth. Cas groans himself and Dean enjoys the next kisses loudly. 

He never was this loud in bed before, but it feels good and it’s as if his voice was made to do it. Dean grins at his own thought, when Cas kisses his way back up. Without any warning Cas bites into Dean’s nipple and Dean’s eyes water at the pain, but heck he loves it.

“Fuck.” Dean mutters under his breath, when the pain slowly ebbs away and Cas gets up again. Dean watches Cas, while he kicks off his shoes and then shimmies out of his black trousers. He wears ridiculous white long boxer shorts under it and normally Dean would laugh at that. Instead, he presses his hand over his own crotch. 

Cas’ thighs look so good and hell, those hip bones looks as if god carved them personally. Dean wants to taste them, but Cas just kneels down again, while he takes off Dean’s shoes and then opens Dean’s jeans as well. 

Dean shudders under the touch, but he allows it. He is nervous, but Cas looks into his eyes the whole time he pulls the jeans down. It’s so freaking hot and then Cas even winks awkwardly at Dean.

Dean is hard and now Cas can fully see it, because he is tenting his black boxers. Cas licks over his lips, when he sees the tent and Dean’s dick jumps at that. Luckily, he isn’t alone with his situation. Dean smirks up at Cas.

“You wanna come back here?” Dean almost purrs and before he has finished the sentence, Cas crawls back over him. The touch is so much better now that they aren’t wearing anything besides their underwear. 

Cas’ skin is warm against his own and Dean sighs happily, when Cas kisses him even more enthusiastic now, he even bites into Dean’s under lip and Dean moans in response. He doesn’t think he can form words anymore. 

“So good, Dean.” Cas whispers in his ear, when he breaks the kiss and Dean nods. He is burning inside out and he never wants this to stop. The whole room is so warm and he feels so safe in Cas’ arms. When he blinks again, he even imagines that the light flickers.

Dean whines and tries to rub up against Cas, but Cas is having none of it and holds his hips up again. Dean is so frustrated, he feels as if he will explode, if Cas doesn’t touch him.

“Please, Cas?” Dean whimpers and apparently that works perfectly, because finally Cas’ dick presses down wonderfully against Dean’s and he arches his back as good as he can. This is perfect. Why did he never do that before?

But actually Dean is glad that Cas is his first man. Dean presses his eyes shut. He can’t think about stuff like this. If he continued like that, he would actually fall in love with Cas.

“Can I?” Cas mutters and only then Dean realizes that his fingertips are already under Dean’s waistband. Dean nods a bit out of breath and then finally Cas’ healthy hand is around his dick. Dean moans loudly. It feels incredible good and when Cas jacks him slowly, Dean feels closer to heaven than ever. 

“L-like that.” Dean babbles and he arches his back again, when Cas stops. Cas only chuckles and slides down Dean’s body again. When he kneels on the ground, with his hands on Dean’s thighs, he grins widely, before he pulls Dean’s underwear off. 

Dean blushes even more, when Cas presses hot kisses against his inner thighs, but it feels so good. He can’t believe he never allowed himself to have this. He is already addicted to Cas. 

“C-cas.” Dean whines. He needs more than this and finally Cas seems to have enough of the teasing as well. He gets up and gets rid of his own underwear and Dean swallows dryly at the impressive length. 

“We take it slow. I’m going to take care of you, just like you deserve.” Cas whispers back and Dean nods. Cas’ left hand finds his way back to Dean’s aching dick and strokes slowly over it. 

“I want to make you feel good, too.” Dean says and when Cas smiles, he slowly moves his own hand down and his breath hitches, when he touches Cas’ dick. Dean’s first strokes are careful, but Cas bucks up to him anyway and Dean loves that Cas is lying on top of him.

“You make me feel good, Dean. So good.” Cas bites into Dean’s ear lobe and Dean hisses. He tries to match his strokes with Cas’ and he never thought it would feel this awesome. Cas’ dick is hot and hard in his hand and Dean would love to taste it, too.

He isn’t brave enough for that, but maybe… he just wishes there was a next time, where he could try it.

“Think you can come like this?” Cas says quietly and he is kissing Dean’s neck again. Dean is sure that there will be a lot of marks over his body, when they are done and he loves it. He wants to be Cas’.

“Y-yeah.” Dean says and Cas nods against his skin. Just as Dean thinks he is going to come, Cas takes his hand away and Dean whines very loudly. Why is he doing this?

“Do you trust me?” Cas asks, while Dean tries to thrust up against Cas’ belly or anything he can reach. Cas chuckles at that.

“With my life.” Dean says and to his embarrassment, that is actually true and not just his impatience speaking. With Cas he forgets the world around them and all his problems seem to be so far away.

“I would like to fuck you.” Cas says and Dean gasps. Well he hadn’t known that Cas could say stuff like this, he always seemed so polite before. Cas presses another hot kiss on his mouth and then tilts his head in the adorable way again.

Dean is gone.

“I n-never…” Dean starts and Cas nods.

“I know. I will be careful and I promise I won’t hurt you, but it’s okay if you think it’s to soon. I just feel like I’ve been waiting for years.” Cas says and the tiny smile at the end is what makes Dean nod.

“Okay... just, you know, be nice?” Dean says awkwardly and heck was he that much of an idiot at his first time with a girl, too? Cas only laughs and before Dean knows it, he crawls down Dean’s body, just to nip at his inner thighs again. Dean throws his head back.

Cas takes his time, sadly without giving any attention to his leaking dick, but Dean is still surprised when he feels a wet finger against his hole. He would never say this out loud, but he is a bit afraid. He heard before that it will hurt.

“Okay?” Cas asks again and when Dean looks down, he sees that Cas’ blue eyes are almost black. Dean takes a deep breath.

“Do it.” He says and Cas slaps his thigh. Dean moans and okay, he didn’t knew he liked that as well.

“Bossy, hm?” Cas grins and when Dean opens his mouth to protest, Cas opens him up with his first finger. Dean hisses, even though it doesn’t really hurt. It mostly just feels weird.

Cas takes his sweet time to open him up and he even slaps Dean’s hand away, when he wants to stroke his own dick. Instead Cas strokes him, way too slowly for him to actually come, but he doesn’t want this to end soon anyway. 

“Holy shit!” Dean yells, when Cas has already two fingers inside of him and touches something in him, that makes him actually see stars. 

“Good, yeah? You want me to do it again, Dean? Tell me what you want.” Cas mutters against his skin and he bites his thigh again. 

“Again please.” Dean manages to get out and Cas presses right against the spot again. Dean can’t help his loud noises and at this point he doesn’t really care. Cas uses that moment to stretch him fully open with three fingers and he is still jacking him off at the same time.

Dean isn’t sure how he is still alive, but he wouldn’t mind to die like this.

“Please Cas. Stop, I n-need more. Need you in me.” Dean says, because he would explode otherwise and when he looks down he sees that Cas seems pretty close himself, even though Dean can’t even reach his dick like this.

“Anything for you, Dean.” Cas says huskily and Dean shudders. He wish he could have this for the rest of his life. He watches hungrily when Cas pulls a condom over his dick and for a tiny second he wishes, they didn’t have to use that.

“You can still…” Cas starts, but Dean pulls him up again und kisses him to shut him up. If Cas asks one more time, if he is okay, he would scream in frustration. His dick is leaking almost steadily against his own belly and he needs Cas. Now.

“I want this!” Dean says and Cas kisses him, too. They lose themselves in the next kisses and then finally Cas presses his dick against Dean’s hole. First, he only strokes over it, but then, just as he bites Dean’s neck again, he finally enters him. 

Dean moans loudly and it does hurt, but only for a tiny second and then he just feels good. Weightless and he images that the light flickers again. Dean puts his hands back in Cas’ hair and kisses him.

Cas pushes into him with one single thrust and when he groans as well, Dean is glad that he isn’t coming on the spot. His dick is pressed between their bellies and he feels too much at once.

“D-Dean.” Cas moans brokenly, while he thrusts into him again and again. Dean can feel some tears running down his cheeks, but Cas kisses them away. 

“Please Cas.” Dean says again and he isn’t even sure what he is asking for, but he doesn’t care, when Cas’ next thrusts is right against his prostate again. Cas groans himself at that and concentrates to hit it with every single push of his hips. 

“Dean?” Cas asks and it takes Dean a moment to focus. The light flickers again.

“Y-yeah?” Dean asks back and Cas kisses him almost dirtier than the movement of his hips.

“I want you to come for me. Touch yourself.” Cas says and Dean nods, before he almost hastily puts his right hand around his dick. It feels so good and Dean strokes himself a bit faster. Cas tries to find the same rhythm and it’s so much better when he matches his thrusts with Dean’s movement.

“Cas!” Dean whines, when he gets even closer and Cas nods.

“See how good you are for me? Come for me. _Now_.” 

That’s it. Dean whines, when his dick finally pulses in his hands and he comes all over his own belly. Cas eyes’ widen at that and it only takes him two more thrusts himself, before he closes his eyes and comes.

Dean never saw anything hotter and just as Cas stills, the light bulb bursts into a million tiny splinters. Luckily, the lamp is not directly over them and the bed, so Dean doesn’t feel the shards raining on them, but he laughs anyway.

Seems like he didn’t imagine the lights flickering. 

“Oh.” Cas says, when it’s dark around them and Dean giggles quietly. God he can’t believe that. His mindblowing orgasm was already good, but then watching Cas come this hard and even feeling it inside him, yeah Dean wants to die happily now.

He still makes a face, when Cas pulls out and even though he can’t see anything, he feels how Cas rolls away from him and he can hear how Cas gets rid of the condom. Dean is still breathing heavily, but then he feels that Cas is carefully wiping him clean with a washcloth, he got from god-knows-where. 

“You okay?” Cas whispers and he lays down besides Dean. Now they are both on their backs in the dark and Dean sighs.

“Never felt better.” He quietly answers and he means it. He knows the sex was the best he ever had, but that’s not it. No something different happened and he isn’t sure what he will do with it.

“Good. Me too.” Cas answers and Dean feels brave for a tiny second, so he turns to his right side and presses right against Cas. Normally he isn’t one to cuddle after sex, but he allows it himself now.

Cas puts his left arm around his shoulders and Dean even puts his head on Cas’ chest. He can feel how fast Cas’ heart beats and closes his eyes, so he can concentrate on that. He is really tired and his whole body is still shaking a bit.

“I knew from the start, that I would fall in love with you one day.” Cas whispers into Dean’s hair and Dean cuddles back against him. He feels so safe. 

A second later, he is already asleep.

  


*

  


Dean wakes up alone the next morning and he groans. God, he aches everywhere, but it feels so good as well. He stretches happily and then sits slowly up. The door to the bathroom is open, that means Cas is not there either.

Maybe it’s better like this.

Dean wanted to leave today anyway, so waking up in Cas’ arms would be only worse. He sighs. Would’ve been nice to feel it once, though. Dean ignores the feelings that want to come out and gets ready for the day.

He showers over twenty minutes and then happily throws on some clothes. Even his flannel is clean and neatly folded on the empty side of the bed, seems like Baltazar was here. Dean smiles and looks at himself in the mirror. 

Not bad to be honest.

“Good morning.” Gabriel says and Dean jerk in his surprise. The angel is sitting at the kitchen table. In front of him is as much food as it was when Dean was still a child and the angel visited Sam. 

“Uhm hi.” Dean mutters and of course Sam and Jess are already there, too. Dammit. 

“Is that Cas’ work?” Gabriel asks and points at Dean’s neck. Dean is blushing horribly under his brother’s gaze as he puts his hand over the very obvious hickey. Sam of course frowns only harder at that and takes a few steps closer. 

“You have something with Cas?” Sam asks and Dean can clearly hear the blame in his words. He ducks his head.

“Well…” Dean starts, but Gabriel clasps his hands.

“I knew it! I just knew that he couldn’t resist you. He was gone from the start.” Gabriel explains to Jess and she smiles a bit, too. Dean feels worse for lying to Sam that Cas is his angel, but he wanted him to think that Dean is a good human with a guardian angel and that he is also having a nice life.

And now Sam thinks he is such a fuck-up that he is having sex with an angel. But that’s better than telling Sam that he has no angel and just got fucked by a stranger, right? 

“It just happened?” Dean tries and Sam shakes his head. Disappointed. Of course, not the first time, but it still hurts.

“Do you even know his real name?” Sam says and he sounds so angry. Dean tries to come up with a good name, but he has no idea. Angels always have weird names. Dean nods slowly.

“It’s… Cassiel.” Dean says and it sounds very strange on his tongue. Sam sighs loudly and Gabriel snickers at the table. Dean isn’t sure he understands what is happening.

“Well, close call.” Gabriel says and just as Dean wants to ask what he means by that, there is the sound of rustling feathers in the room and instead of Balthazar, Cas stands in the room. 

“It’s Castiel.” He says and Dean runs out of the door, before anyone can stop him. Not that they tried.

  


*

  


Hours later Dean is sitting in a nameless park on a bench and stares at the trees in front of him. He feels numb and he isn’t even sure what exactly happened, but he had seen Cas _tiel’s_ black wings and panicked.

_He had sex with an angel._

No wonder his own angel never showed up, maybe he knew it all along. Dean feels worse and rubs his hand over his eyes. He had thought his life was fucked up before, but that was just ridiculous. 

What bugs him the most is that apparently even Sam knew that Castiel is an angel and Dean had thought Sam was the stupid one. Ha. 

Just as Dean wants to get up, not even sure where he would go, he hears the rustle of feathers again. Dean wants to roll his eyes and tell Castiel to fuck off, but it isn’t this angel.

It’s Gabriel.

“What do you want?” Dean growls and even turns away from Gabriel. He doesn’t want to hear that he tainted an angel with his human filth. 

“Right now? Kinda want to punch you.” Gabriel says and he sits down on the bench, directly next to Dean, who huffs. He wouldn’t fight an angel, he knows how stupid that is.

“What will happen now?” Dean asks, when Gabriel doesn’t say anything else and he can’t help it. He is a bit nervous about this. 

“What do you mean?” Gabriel asks and he doesn’t seem to be really angry with him. Maybe he isn’t really here to kill Dean?

“I fucked an angel, will god smite me now? Or did god know this all along and is this the reason why I don’t have a guardian angel, because that is my punishment?” Dean asks and he turns around. Gabriel’s look is full of pity. Dean hates it. 

“You seriously think you are the first one?” Gabriel says and at least he smiles a little bit. Dean snorts. Probably not.

“But I know it’s not allowed.” Dean pushes even more and Gabriel shrugs.

“Well for one, God isn’t really in heaven anymore, so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care at all what you do. And secondly, if you read the fine print, you would also see, it’s only forbidden between Guardian Angel and his human. So, not sure about your case here.” Gabriel says and Dean frowns.

“What do you mean?” Dean asks and Gabriel sighs.

“I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t do something stupid, but I feel like we actually need Cassie for this conversation here.” Gabriel says and in the next second, Castiel is already standing in front of them.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel says and he looks sad. Dean has to look away from those blue eyes.

“Castiel here is not your guardian angel, but yes he is an angel.” Gabriel says and Dean shakes his head. He really doesn’t understand what’s going on here at all.

“Where is my guardian angel?” Dean says loudly and he isn’t sure what answer he expects. Maybe that he was never meant to have one, just like he always believed, but maybe that is angel is already dead. 

“Ruling heaven.” Castiel answers quietly and Dean’s eyes snap towards him.

“That means I actually have an angel? Why did he never show up?” Dean asks and he actually starts to tear up. He has an angel. His own guardian angel! And the bastard just didn’t want Dean. This hurts even more.

“Okay, this is a longer story and I told Sam this already after you left. I’m not Sam’s guardian angel either.” Gabriel admits and this throws Dean even more off his loop. What is happening here? 

“What?” Dean snaps and Gabriel’s smile turns sad.

“As you know, God made angels so they could protect his so loved humanity, but he also made four archangels. I’m one of them.” Gabriel explains and Dean nods. He heard of archangels. God’s four sons. 

“That’s why you aren’t a guardian angel, but then… why did you pick Sammy?” Dean wants to know and Gabriel sighs. He seems really heavy-hearted about this topic. Even Castiel looks away.

“My older brothers Michael and Lucifer were the first of us to get the job to protect a human. Years before you humans even get born, God already knows which angel would fit. I was still young for an archangel, when father called for Michael and Lucifer. He gave them two names.” Gabriel explains and the whole time he looks up to heaven, while he talks. 

“Dean and Sam Winchester.” Castiel says and Gabriel nods. Dean is too surprised to say anything.

“Michael was furious, he didn’t want to protect a human and he started to fight with father. Lucifer wanted to take you both under his wings, since he, just as father, loved humanity more than anything. Or that is, what he says.” Gabriel says and this time he gets up from the bench. He walks a bit away, his back now to Dean.

“God thought he could stop the upcoming apocalypse, if he gave Michael and Lucifer something to focus on, but it didn’t work out.” Gabriel says and Dean nods. He still can’t believe this. 

“Michael and Lucifer started to fight and one day Lucifer took it too far and Father banned him from heaven. You know that, right?” Castiel continues and Dean nods. As a hunter you always heard stories about Lucifer, but he didn’t know some of them were true.

“A-and then?” Dean asks and he tries to be brave, but this sounds horrible.

“Lucifer was caged and he could never get out to meet his human, Sam Winchester.” Gabriel says and Dean raises his eyebrows. Lucifer is the guardian angel of his brother? This is the worst thing somebody ever told him.

“And m-my angel?” Dean asks, because he still needs to know.

“Michael wasn’t interested, so he never visited you even once and God left because of that, sad how his sons turned out.” Gabriel says and Dean nods. As he thought. His angel hates him. This time he can’t stop the tears and looks down to hide it.

“Michael is an asshole.” Castiel says, because he seems to have seen his tears, but Dean laughs, his voice watery. 

“It’s okay.” Dean whispers and the next sob is actually a bit louder. Castiel is kneeling on the dirty ground in front of him in an instant. 

“It’s not okay, Dean. You deserve so much better.” Castiel says quietly and Dean has to cry only harder at that. The last time he heard those words Castiel had hurt his hand and afterwards he had kissed Dean.

“But if Michael hates humans, why are there still new guardian angels every year?” Dean wants to know and Gabriel shakes his head.

“He doesn’t hate humans, he just never wanted to live on earth with them. As I said, he is an asshole. Still, every angel that does want to be a guardian angel is allowed to do so.” Gabriel explains and he is so calm about all of this.

“Why did you come then?!” Dean says and he looks through his tears to Gabriel.

“When Lucifer was gone and Michael commanded heaven, I asked him to become a guardian angel to one of you.” Gabriel says, still not looking at them and Dean frowns.

“But?” He asks, because he knows that is not all. After all Gabriel already said he isn’t Sam’s guardian angel. This time Gabriel turns back to them. Dean is surprised to see tears on his face as well.

“He got furious and caged me in heaven. He said we Archangels would be too good for this job and he that he needed me for his war against Lucifer.” Gabriel says and Dean’s heart sinks. Gabriel looks really exhausted. His story sounds almost familiar. Losing his father and also his brothers.

“I tried to help Gabriel escape and when Michael heard about that, he trapped me as well. We spent years together in a cage, talking about the two brothers we needed to save, since I never got signed up for a human.” Castiel whispers and Dean looks down to him, since Castiel is still kneeling in front of him.

“About us?” Dean whispers and Castiel nods. Dean wipes his tears away.

“We imagined how you were and what we could do with you, while you grew up. Sometimes other angels would tell us about you. How your mother died and your father got harsher with each year.” Gabriel says and Dean swallows. 

Gabriel and Castiel _wanted_ to be their guardian angel, even though they never meant to be theirs.

“How did you escape?” Dean wants to know and Gabriel strokes through his golden hair.

“Well, Michael wanted to separate us, since he heard about our plans. It turned into a horrible fight and I could escape. I… I thought Castiel had died.” Gabriel explains and Dean puts his hands automatically over Castiel’s on his thighs. Castiel smiles a bit.

“That’s why you came to Sam…” Dean says and Gabriel nods.

“Two weeks after I left heaven, I heard his prayers. If an angel loves his human enough, he can hear prayers from them. Even though Castiel and I are not officially your guardian angels, we could still hear you.” Gabriel explains and Dean blushes an ugly red.

That means Castiel heard all his prayers. Even the one in his own guestroom. _Fuck_.

“As soon as I was with Sam, I carved some sigils into my own ribs, so the other angels, including Michael, couldn’t find me. I even carved them into your and Sam’s ribs, but I deleted it from your memories, because of all the pain.” Gabriel says and Dean nods. So that’s why Castiel and Balthazar needed his help to find him. Dean strokes over his ribs anyway. _Ouch._

“I’m sorry Dean.” Gabriel says then and his golden eyes tear up again.

“For what?” Dean asks, because he got lost in his own thoughts. Castiel carefully gets up and sits down on the bench next to Dean. He still has Dean’s hand between is own and Gabriel stands directly in front of Dean.

“For ignoring you as a child. I should’ve done more for you and it was selfish, because every time I looked at you, I just saw my favorite brother dying.” Gabriel admits and Dean chuckles sadly.

“I understand.” Dean just answers, because he does. But he doesn’t say that it’s okay, because he can feel Castiel’s glare already.

“I managed to escape six months ago.” Castiel says and Dean concentrates back on him. Castiel is smiling a little bit and all Dean wants is to kiss him again. Angel or not.

“And you searched for me?” Dean asks and Castiel confirms that with a nod. It feels good to hear that and Dean smiles back at him. 

“Of course I did. I heard your prayers for so many years. From the small crying boy, to the beautiful man right in front of me now, but because of Gabriel’s sigils on your ribs, I couldn’t find you.” Castiel says and he pulls one of his hands away to wipe a strand from Dean’s hair out of his face. 

“Oh.” Dean makes and Castiel smiles wider.

“I’m sorry it took me so long. You were so hurt, because you never got your angel and it broke my heart. I was panicking, when I looked into your eyes for the first time and that’s why I made up the whole story with Balthazar as my angel.” Castiel explains and Gabriel snorts loudly.

“Poor human who got Balthazar really as an angel.” Gabriel says and Dean chuckles a bit, too. He actually likes Balthazar, even though he is kind of an asshole.

“Her name is Charlie and I assure you she knows how to handle him.” Castiel says and Dean has the feeling, that he should meet this Charlie some time, because she already sounds awesome. Now it makes sense that Balthazar needed to go to her the other day.

“I really thought you were the most stunning human on earth.” Dean says and this time Castiel is the one, who ducks his head at the words. Good to know that he can embarrass the angel as well.

“When you told Sam I was your Angel, I thought you had figured it out.” Castiel says and Dean groans.

“Yeah, I mean he was kinda obvious? With destroying the glass in his hand or that I couldn’t use my grace on him, because he actually has grace on his own?” Gabriel says and Dean hides his face. How could he be so oblivious?

“You healed your own wound right? That’s why it was already so good, when I came back from the bathroom. You didn’t even eat anything, when I ate at yours and oh my god, that’s why you even forgot that you had to touch Balthazar while flying.” Dean rambles and Castiel is smiling, while Gabriel actually laughs loudly at him.

“Oh man. Humans. You have to love them.” Gabriel says and Dean wants to kick him.

“I just told Sam that you were an angel, because I didn’t want him to worry. I thought if he knows about my angel, he would be okay with me leaving again.” Dean explains and he sees that Castiel understands now why he did it.

“Sam would never want you to leave. I know about your fight and how he ran away, but he also knows it’s his fault, too. He regrets it to this day.” Gabriel says and Dean nods. He had seen how his brother had looked at him, whenever he was sure that Dean wasn’t watching him as well.

“Maybe I don’t need to leave anymore?” Dean asks quietly and the question is only meant for Castiel. Gabriel seems to understand that, because he snaps his fingers and is gone.

“I never wanted you to leave me in the first place, Dean Winchester.” Castiel says and Dean shudders. He remembers now, that Castiel called him by his full name the night before, too. Dean is really slow sometimes.

“And Sam?” Dean whispers and Castiel smiles, before he pulls at Dean’s hands. Dean is a bit perplex, but soon enough is sitting on Castiel’s lap, facing him.

“Would love to have you in his life as well, who wouldn’t?” Castiel says and he puts his arms around Dean’s hips. Dean blushes and shakes his head.

“John Winchester and Michael apparently.” Dean answers cheekily and Castiel huffs annoyed. 

“I told you before, they are assholes and don’t deserve you anyway.” Castiel says and Dean knows that he actually means it.

“But if you are an angel... we can’t…” Dean starts and Castiel shakes his head, before he puts his hand over Dean’s mouth. 

“Dean. I can never go back to heaven anyway. I chose this. First when I made the decision to find you and be your angel and then I did another thing angels were never allowed to do.” Castiel says and Dean holds his breath.

“And what is that?” Dean asks and Castiel’s smile calms him down.

“I fell in love with a human.” Castiel says and Dean kisses him. He doesn’t even register that it started to rain down on them. Another lamp explodes in the park and Dean laughs. 

“Never change.” He whispers and Castiel only pulls him closer. 

He knows that he and Castiel have something very special and he wouldn’t let anyone destroy that. Not even himself. Sure, maybe Castiel isn’t his guardian angel on paper, but he is for sure the angel that saved Dean from his own hell.

[](https://i.imgur.com/dviHgEQ.jpg)

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it!! :D x
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://notfunnydean.tumblr.com)


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